Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Who is OCDer

Good morning! Yesterday we had a visit to the oncology clinic and a meeting with Dr. Eames. This was supposed to be our post scan wrap up. Although, you know, we already knew what the scans showed. At this point they simply schedule the followup appointments less for Sydney and more from me. They have been conditioned over years of questions and they know that there are always more. Mark needs to decompress. He needs to get it all out on the table. Sydney? She's fine. Mark is the one with issues and the lingering neurological problems.

The funny thing is that I am starting to recover now as well. I am no longer hanging on every word. Often I can make sense of our scenario before even meeting with them. In our current situation I know there is no answer and I know that the risk of treating her for something she might not have far outweighs that chance that something is truly going on. Here we are, well over a year from the point that the spot began showing up in her arm ande I am far more confident now that it seems to have stopped growing. She is happy and, as Dr. Eames pointed out, healthy. I don't want to jinx ourselves but Sydney truly looks great.

Of course, I still advocated for a PET scan for her arm but, honestly, I don't know enough as to whether it would provide us any clarity. My fear is that it will only show more confusion. If there is an expert out there who can advise my on the utility of a PET scan for Sydney's situation I would greatly appreciate it. Ultimately, I am looking for how it can clarify our situation. It simply may not be possible that it can do that. In other words, in our situation, if it is clean, does it really mean anything? We still know we have a spot in her arm. And, on the other side, if it is positive, does it really tell us anymore than we know already. I don't think so. But, then again, I certainly am not an expert in this area. Any answers?

Well, onto other exciting news. Last night was the beginning of the year "Meet the Teacher" event at Sydney's and Graham's school. Sydney's teacher is a new teacher by the name of Mrs. Rogers. I really like her. I think she will be great for Sydney. I hope she never reads this but she reminds me of a Disney Princess. I don't know if you have ever had the opportunity to talk to a "real" Disney princess. I have. I can tell you from my expert experience that Mrs. Rogers sounds and acts exactly like a real legitimate Disney Princess. I can't wait to see wait the year hold for my own princess in her care.

Graham is in Mrs. Underwood and Mrs. Peterson's class. I can not tell you how excited I am about this. If you recall this was Sydney's first set of teachers at Southwest Christian School. There is no doubt that they will be perfect for Graham. You see, Graham is a special case. Both Lynley and I are anal. We are just OCD about different things. That lets us be normal at least part of the time. Graham, unfortunately, got both halves of our "analness" thus creating the perfect storm of OCD. Yes, he got the best and worst parts of us. These teachers are the absolute best at helping him work through this. There is no doubt that they will cultivate Grahams incredible sweetness and sincerity and I know they will give him the tools to deal when his pencils aren't lined up perfectly. This is a huge step for Graham. I am so excited for him. In someways it is as if he is starting his own life. Tomorrow he goes from the collective we to his own self. He becomes Graham, his own personal identity. Awesome.

Well, I have taken enough of your time already. And, I assure you. I have a bucket of work to wade through.

I just wanted to share a little of my obsessive compulsive purpose with you today.

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