You know, this time of year would be much more enjoyable if it could just slow down a little bit. While I would never ever want to go back to the days of living in the hospital, there were a few pretty good things that came out of that experience. Sure, Sydney was fighting cancer and our future was scary and unknown, but, we were together. At that point in our lives the Christmas parties weren't all important. There was little reason to spend a small fortune to decorate the house as we weren't really there that much. The only thing playing on the television was Bambi or Snow White so we were not inundated with ads or the realities of the world around us (the news was not being watched). Shopping seemed less important too. In fact, we didn't even really need Christmas presents. Sydney was too sick and the only thing anyone wanted was for her to feel better.
In a sense, it was calm.
In retrospect, it was almost even slow.
Now, I haven't forgotten everything. Although, my rosy colored history spectacles don't allow much of the pain and fear back in. I know I don't want to return. I also know we were busy and life was hectic.
But still, there was something different.
The beauty of Christmas then was its simplicity. The simple fact that we were together. In fact, that was all that really mattered. Christmas was about focusing on each other.
Today I feel like things are going in a 1000 different directions and I find myself yearning for a return to the basics. I just want to relax and be with my family. I have grown weary of the 80 hour work weeks, the rush to spend more, be the life of the party at each and every Holiday party, and the challenge to decorate more than the neighbors.
It does not take long to forget what is important. I miss that gift from Sydney's treatment.
It is time to take a big deep breath of purpose.