Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Blushing Birthday Bride

It turns out that today is Lynley's birthday. I am quite sure that mentioning her age would probably violate some rule so, in the interest of keeping myself out of the dog house, I won't mention that she is turning 38. Of course, in typical Lynley fashion we have already celebrated her birthday on several occasions. She has had dinners, parties and, of course, most of her gifts. If you know her then you also know that there is no way that she could have possibly waited until her birthday to receive her new iPhone 4 and you know that she could not have possibly waited until after our trip to Orlando for her new camera. Therefore, according to Lynley law, she received many of her best gifts early. Given a week or two she will forget that either of those gifts had anything to do with her birthday and I am quite sure, outside of some home made cards for the kids this will go down as the worst birthday ever.

You see, Lynley doesn't like her birthday. As long as I have known her, it has always been this way. Her scorn is less because she is turning a year older and more because she doesn't want to be disappointed because her birthday's doesn't feel special. It makes me wonder, does in not feel special because she gets all of her gifts early? Or, perhaps, is it the fact that she has her party and birthday dinners before, after and all of the days in between that do not fall on her actual birthday?

Honestly, I think she doesn't like her birthday because she doesn't want to be disappointed. She doesn't want to get her hopes up like a kid outside a candy store only to find the doors locked. In this way, she demands that she doesn't want to do anything for her birthday and makes every effort to do birthday things on days when it is not her birthday. By the time her birthday roles around, it no longer feels special. A "sucky" birthday becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Oh, and if that was not enough, I have just been informed that we will be going to Chuck E. Cheese with the kiddos today to celebrate her birthday. If that isn't a blatant attempt to have a nightmarish birthday, I don't know what is.

She clearly can no longer have any authority in planning her own birthday. I have let this go on too long.

In the end, it is her birthday and little miss sour face birthday pants is going to do everything she can to ruin it. I say we don't let her. Let's give her a special birthday she will never forget. Tell her happy birthday just despite her. Tell her how excited about her birthday you are just to make her cringe. Sing her a "Happy Birthday" song in the middle of the hallway and make her wear a birthday hat and blow out candles at lunch.

Notwithstanding her feeble attempts to sabotage the day we will give her a happy birthday to remember.

So help my purpose!

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