Thursday, April 23, 2009

The news is in.

I can not tell you how happy I was to wake up this morning to find an email waiting in my inbox from Dr. Eames. As we suspected the test took longer than expected to complete and Dr. Eames was swamped with other patients. For good reason, we were not the most important patients of her week. I am guessing we weren't even in the top 20. That is good news. That is because Sydney is absolutely and utterly clean. Yes, you heard me. Her biopsies were negative.

What a relief!

I am still amazed at my mind's ability to drift into paranoia and conspiracy theory. Generally speaking, I am a rational and confident human being. In fac, many would say that I am overly so. I have absolutely no fear of standing up and facing illogical nuttery wherever it may stand. In fact, I might even say that I am irritated when I see these traits in others. Often I will take a stand against incoherent nuttiness simply on principal. This type of speak does nothing but insight misplaced emotion. It is not healthy and it does no one any good. In fact, it often makes things worse.

Yet, when I am placed in these situations with Sydney and her scans I cant help but let my mind wander. I can't help but worry about the "what ifs." The next thing I know I have myself worked up into a tizzy and I can no longer see the forest for the trees.

I don't really have any real answers. I don't know how to control it. Perhaps I should be better at taking my own advice - deep breaths and one foot in front of the other.

But, lets not let all of my mental incapacity take anything away from this moment.

Sydney is clean. She is almost 6 years from diagnosis, 4 and a half from the last hint of disease, and over 2 from her last therapy.

This is a huge milestone.

Today, I will enjoy my purpose. Tomorrow I will get back to the paranoia and the fight.

5 comments:

Jessica said...

Woohoo! I can't wait til we're in your shoes one day. Enjoy your healthy girl today.

Jessica
www.babysites.com/sites/bensten

Zeynep Erden Bayazit said...

This is really great news!!! I have to agree with Jessica, that we really hope to be in your shoes..."soon"! Kisses to Sydney.

Anonymous said...

I am really happy for you this wonderful news! and thank you for your story, because we from really much hope to us all that we live in this parallel world..
Michela, Italy

Zeynep Erden Bayazit said...

I forgot to tell you, April 23rd is Children's Day in Turkey, so I guess it was a very "fun" Children's Day for your family, yesterday, with the good news. As we got out of the BMT today, it was a similar celebration over here!

Robin said...

This is fantastic news. Continued good health for Sydney.