Tuesday, March 31, 2009

The paranoia of impending scans

How come, every time we are approaching scans, my children become symptomatic? I guess I should be happy that they exhibit symptoms as we get closer to scan week instead of farther away but, none the less, it is like clockwork and it is always enough to cause distress. You might be thinking that Sydney could be aware of the upcoming scans and might be exhibiting these symptoms because of worry. Nope. I haven't even told her that scans were coming up in two weeks. In other words, these symptoms may be mental but not, at least, for that reason.

I could make some sarcastic remarks like "at least her legs aren't bothering her" or "at least her stomach isn't hurting", or "thank goodness she isn't pale". But, you all know me well enough by now to know that is pure sarcasm and all of which must be true. So what, really, is the point.? Do I think this is a relapse at this point? No. Am I scared, worried, and sleepless? Of course. It is only natural. Let's face it. The 1000 pound elephant is always in the room. Even normal is terrifying.

Perhaps the issue is that I become more sensitive as we encroach on scan week. Perhaps, my mind starts focusing on everything that could be wrong. Maybe I am the mental one? Maybe it isn't Sydney at all?

Anything is possible.

Purpose can clearly cause paranoia.

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