Monday, June 29, 2009

Defeating Black Belts

Okay, so, we survived our first family Tae Kwon Do class. However, we did not do so without incident. Lynley is the proud owner of a broken toe and I added a running face plant to my repertoire of slick moves. Outside of these two low lights, though, it was fun - incredibly exhausting, but tremendously fun.

Furthermore, Lynley would tell you that I was not living up to my usual grandstanding ways, if I did not tell you that I defeated 3 black belts on my first day. Yep, fear me. I am not playing games. I have skills. Now, I should probably tell you that I did not defeat them in any sparring activities. Come on, these were Olympians. These are some of the top athletes in the world.

No, sparring was not how I beat them.

However, I did beat them in the obstacle course. You have seen Kung fu Panda? You have seen the obstacle course with swinging weapons and fire blasts. Yes? Well this was nothing like that. Ours was with kicking targets and orange cones. But, trust me, the threat was there. Anyway, it was our job to hop over, crawl under, run, jump, kick and punch our way through an obstacle course. On the first course, I lost. But, I only lost by one. I defeated the other two black belts. On the second race, I tied. However, I won the second heat by blowing my opponent out of the water by a full second. Yes, I was the master. Strong as bull, quick as fox.

Lynley would probably also want me to point out that the black belts were also about 8 years old. Technically my competition was two middle aged women, my 5 year old son the yellow belt, and three 8 year olds.

But still, I dominated.

Did you every watch the Seinfeld episode where Kramer took up karate but was participating in the children's classes? He very correctly pointed out that age made no difference. It was all based on skill. Well, we know I have no skills.

Additionally, I would also like to point out that I would never, ever want to fight any of those boys. All of which are going to compete at the U.S. Junior Olympics this week in Austin, TX. They are incredibly talented and I am quite sure that they could decimate me with both hands tied behind their backs. In fact, before class I was watching one of them kick a target that was approximately 7 feet up in the air. Think about that - an eight year old kicking a target that is 7 foot in the air. I would have thought it impossible until I saw it and even now I am still skeptical as to whether my eyes deceived me.

I wish them the best of luck this week and, although I can't wait to see them again and congratulate them on what I know will be a successful Junior Olympics, I am really not looking forward to a rematch.

I got lucky.

This is one area where they have more purpose than I.

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